Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Not the exception

Fashion is such a wonderful and personal and varied thing that it seems counter-intuitive to have rules to dressing up.  Which is why I don't really have any hard or fast maxims about it.

I think people should be free to express themselves as they wish and anything can be fabulous if done right - denim on denim, mixed metals, even cheesy 80s outfits and the overloading of accessories - I've seen fantastic examples of all of them.

Personally, however, I try my best to follow two (and only two) rules about what I leave the house in... or out of.  My "fashion rules" are as follows:

1)  Tights are not pants. 

Please friends, please, silently mouth these words after me.

I've seen this one everyone from tiny tots to women old enough to be my grandmother and I really don't budge on this one because if you think about it, a pair of tights, particular one that is fitting or especially sheer, is nothing more than a glorified wisp of control top pantyhose, which HELLO, read it, is PANTY related.  

And we all know that anything with the word "PANTY" in it, should be confined to places where the sun don't shine.  If said places are being lightly caressed by the morning rays, either you've found yourself a nice private beach (congratulations) or Houston, we've got a problem.

It doesn't really bother me if someone's wearing a shirt as a dress with tights as long as the top covers their bottom.  But otherwise, nothing is worse than walking down the road and seeing someone's derriere (no matter how toned) hanging out from below a shirt or, FSM forbid, watching as a lycra encased camel toe walks (or chafes progressively) towards you.  Do we really want to be acquainted with another woman's lady flower?!?! 

I'm all for wearing whatever you want, but it never fails to amaze me how people can be so unaware of how their nether regions are popping out to say hello to the world.  Either wear something that clings less to your labia, or for the love of puggle puppies, put on a longer blouse!

On top of everything, it looks unpolished and unbecoming, like something out of the American Apparel catalogue and beyotch, that's when you know it's not a beautiful day in the neighbourhood.

2)  Don't make your boyfriend carry your bag.

Okay, see, this really gets me.  I'm a bag freak.  I love handbags more than all other accessories put together.  So when I spend my hard-earned money on a new bag, I'm spending it because I think it will look cute on my arm or with my clothes.  

So I don't understand why girls give their bermuda-clad, hairy-legged boyfriends quilted, chain-handled bags to hold.  This is one of the few countries in the world where I see men happily toting pretty, frilly shoulder bags while their girlfriends prattle on expressively with their hands free.

For pete's sake, if the bag is too heavy for you to carry, then unload some of the things and make the dood carry them in a separate bag.  Besides, if you're really that weighed down, maybe it's a sign that the cargo needs to be reassessed.

Yes, I get that some guys carry things out of chivalry or politeness or love and I know loads of girls who are all right with this.  I know people who won't hesitate to divest me of my giant laptop bag or suitcases, but if said knight is going to carry something, does it have to be in a dainty handbag that would not look out of place holding a chihuahua?

Those are my rules for now, anyway, but like fashion, rules may change over time and I'm always curious to look at them in a couple of years and see whether anything's changed (READ:  Perpex accessories and vests).

What about you?  What fashion rules do you live by?


Anonymous said...

loose t shirt tucked into bermudas - uncle style. i hate that. minus more points if the dude has a pouch slung in front

Shoe said...

Hahaha yes!! The waistpouch... the scourge of apeks everywhere!

Did you ever use to wear one? I had a ratty one in my faux pas days...

Anonymous said...

I totally get the bag thing.
This is totally unrelated to fashion, but u know those guys who buy flowers for their gfs? Then their gfs make them carry it. Like ohyea, I totally see how u loveeee the flowers -_-


Shoe said...

Thanks for commenting DUBYA!!! Oh yes... if your boyfriend has given you a gift why not carry it?!

So I assume you don't make your bf carry your bag :P

Related Posts with Thumbnails