Thursday, June 10, 2010

The worst capsule machine ever

The other day, I was really excited to see this: a capsule machine with a wand that promised a magical erection.

I mean, look, you guys, "it can change from short to long"!  Nisha pointed out that there are other things that will do that for me, but the way I see it, none of them come in a plastic capsule.

I paid the requisite $1, pocketed the (extremely grubby) capsule, and waited for Dhany to open it with me. 

We finally got our moment on the roof, and I held my breath as he twisted the plastic bubble open. 

Alas, I'd been cheated!  Inside was a wrinkled "Ben 10" packet, containing a strange rubber mutant the colour of vomit and with what looked like a bad case of psoriasis.  It had been doubled over and stuffed into the capsule for so long that it's back had split and warped and on top of everything, it stank and left Dhany's fingers smelling like puke-covered rubber. 

Well, colour me just thrilled.

I don't know what Ben 10 is, but in my understanding, it was one of the top Christmas toys of 2008 and apparently kids everywhere are crazy about it, which, if this capsule is anything to go by, they all have an IQ of an eggplant.

Wikipedia also says, "When ten year old Ben Tennyson, his cousin Gwen, and their grandfather Max are on their summer camping trip, Ben finds an alien pod on the ground. When he examines it, he finds a mysterious, watch-like device called the Omnitrix. The device attaches itself permanently to his wrist and gives him the ability to transform into a variety of alien life-forms, each with its own unique powers."

And just shortly below that thrilling plot summary, the page moderator has left the mysterious afterthought: "He is a duck" followed by nothing.

Well, ok then.

All I have to say about that severe disappointment is that I want my money back and I'm not going to rest until I find an actual wand that can produce erections.

In the meantime, if any of you have any eggplant-IQed nephews or neices who might like a smelly booger-coloured mutant, you know where to find me.

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